1.
You
can’t come in without a warrant.
The myth: a defiant unemployed deviant stands smugly in his
doorway, arms folded, safe in the knowledge that the police cannot step foot
within his humble abode without first obtaining a piece of paper from the
courts saying they can. “You ain’t coming in without a warrant – I know my
rights.”
The reality: oh yes they can. Police officers have all sorts of
fantabulous powers that allow them to stroll right into your living room. In
fact, on some occasions they can get a great big 15kg steel battering ram and
smash your front door into tiny little splinters, run in shouting all kinds of
colourful language, before they walk their muddy boots all over the pristine
carpet. These powers of entry relate to arresting wanted people at large,
saving life, protecting property and good ol’ preventing breaches of the peace
to name but a few. I’d stand aside if I was you.
2.
Telecommunication
devices
The myth: “Keep him on the line for another 20 seconds for us to
get the trace,” the detective hisses discreetly to the desperately rambling
call taker. Alas, invariably the villain hangs up just seconds before the special
police computer can trace the caller’s location. Damn.
Or, conversely, police can
instantly track the subject’s phone with massive great big satellites in the
sky and pinpoint their exact location to within 3mm.
The reality: land line numbers can be traced within minutes,
regardless of how long the caller was on the phone. Likewise mobile phone
numbers can always be captured and subscriber checks do not take long. If the
mobile is unregistered, police intelligence checks can glean if that number has
ever called the police before, and who was on the other end at that time.
Via clever triangulation and with
the assistance of the mobile phone networks, police can determine a phones approximate
location – as long as it’s switched on; but, depending on the vicinity to cell
sites (aerials), the accuracy can be over a wide geographical area,
particularly in rural areas. ‘Pinging’ phones (as this process is called) is
usually only resorted to when there is a perceived serious risk to the wellbeing
of the phone holder. It is very rare that police will ping a suspects phone
purely to determine their location for investigation purposes – this would be a
terrible breach of the scallywags privacy!
3. Cop cars are really fast
The myth: “Kieran, your Citroën Saxo would, like, never outrun the
Feds, man. Their cars is well fast with like 300bhp and like superchipped and
stuff, you-get-me, blood.”
The reality: I’m afraid young Kieran is being lead up a long and
winding path of fabrication. Traffic and area cars are indeed usually high
powered saloon or estate cars, piloted by highly skilled officers with faces
fit for TV documentaries. But the common, all-purpose, lesser-striped pandas on
the other hand that are most frequently seen on the High Streets of the United
Kingdom are in fact nothing more than economical family hatchbacks with 200k
miles on the clock and insides that smell like old MacDonalds. The boot is full
of all sorts of heavy crap and copious paperwork, not to mention the rotund
stab-vest clad officer (or very, very rarely officers) sitting up front.
Other than reinforced undersides and modified electrical wiring looms to
accommodate the mobile disco facilities on the roof, they are no different to
the Astra’s and Focus’ that mere civilians do battle with at over-crowded Tesco
car parks on Saturday mornings. Even police pursuits are less common and - it
is with much shame I must admit - I am yet to perform a J-turn in the line of
duty either. I hang my head.
4.
Forensic
science
The myth: after finding only a nostril hair or discarded fag butt
left by the crook, a man/woman in a white paper suit can instantly determine
the identity, address, sexual orientation, star sign and brand of aftershave of
said crook, and all before the first ad break.
The reality: forensic science is one of the most powerful tools in
the police arsenal. Clever scientists can do amazing things in their sterile
laboratories. Fingerprints, DNA, clothing fibres, accelerant gasses, glass
fragments, penal swabs – all can be analysed and used to screw down hard on the
suspects… that is of course assuming that you have a suspect’s DNA/prints in
the first place. And if the Force can afford it. And as long as you can wait a
few days… or weeks. Maybe one day there will be the technology to allow an
officer at a crime scene to place a lump of earwax into a special device and
have the offender’s name, address and recent photo emailed straight to their
PDA, but not any time soon.
5.
Just
gimme’ my phone call
The myth: when Tony ‘Tight Lips’ Deluca gets his collar felt and
hauled into the station, all he needs is the custody sergeant to throw him a
50p and point him in the direction of a wall mounted payphone where he can
privately call his hot shot attorney and he’ll be outta there in no time and
the desk Sarge will be busted down to a PCSO for his insolence.
The reality: PACE (a set of rules the police abide by at all times) states that a prisoner may
have someone informed he/she is in custody. Usually this is in the form of a
phone call, however it is at the police’s discretion when and how this call is
made. On some occasions to prevent loss of evidence or still outstanding
suspects, or stop the intimidation of victims/witnesses, a police Inspector may
hold a prisoner ‘incommunicado’, meaning that no-one will be notified of their
recent incarceration.
6.
No
comment
The myth: “If I just don’t say anything in interview then they
can’t prove I done nothin’.”
The reality: increasingly solicitors skilled in the dark art of
criminal defence are advising their clients to keep schtum in interview for
fear of them saying something stupidly incriminating. Or occasionally the
mastermind criminal will decide for themself to deny absolutely anything the
police put to them – even their own name! Even CCTV footage that is a better true
likeness of them than their own passport photo! It is true that anyone under
Caution has the right to not say anything. However, what some fail to see is
that the Crown Prosecution service and/or court of the land may draw inference
from their silence – i.e. innocent men usually have nothing to hide and will
give an account, whereas the guilty say nothing. ‘No comment’ interviews are
not always the best tactic.
7.
Police
line-ups
The myth – you know the scene from the usually suspects: “Hand me
the keys you flipping mother hubbard…” or something like that. “I think it was
number two… or maybe number four… although it could have been number three…”
The reality – the police don’t do physical line-ups like this and
haven’t done so for years. The police now do something called a VIPER, or Video
Identification Parade Electronic Recording. The authorities hold pre-recorded
images of thousands of faces. A witness or victim will be shown an image of a
suspect in custody (or more likely on bail), mixed in with several other images
of similar looking people unconnected to the investigation. This saves
resources and also prevents any intimidation or outside bias on behalf of the
viewer. If the suspect had bright green hair, then the viewer will be shown
several images of others with bright green hair – or, if this is not possible
due to a lack of green haired nefario, the hair might be digitally removed from
all the images.
8.
Undercover
cops have to identify themselves if asked
The myth – if a suspicious
ne’er-do-well asks an undercover officer if they are on the police payroll,
that officer must immediately and spectacularly reveal themselves and blow
months of hard work and planning, otherwise it’s entrapment.
The reality – this is an Americanism. I have found it nearly always
preferable to disregard anything you hear on an American cop show or film as
the truth usually couldn’t be farther from the iced doughnut and Starbucks
coffee cup. Even in America this is utter rubbish! Undercover cops, in the line
of duty, can get away with all sorts of borderline deviant behaviour in order
to preserve the investigation and their personal safety.
9. Everyone has to be Cautioned
The myth – unless an officer tells you his name, collar number, time,
date, offence and grounds for arrest, before Cautioning you (i.e “you do not
have to say anything… etc), and only after singing the national anthem, then
any arrest is unlawful and you’ll walk scot free.
The reality – Whilst you will have to find out much of the above
soon after arrest, an officer is obliged to ensure you are aware you are under
arrest – those shiny silver bracelets on your wrists are a giveaway – and why,
but only at the earliest practicable time do they have to say those magic
words. If at the time of arrest you are rolling around the floor in your own
urine whilst high on narcotics, outside a night spot in front of a baying crowd,
trying to kick and spit at the officers of law enforcement, then don’t be
surprised if you’re not immediately informed of the unfortunate series of
events that landed you in custody.
10.
Police
headwear and pregnant women
The myth – you know the one. I’m not going to dignify that most
scandalous myth of them all by typing it.
The reality – NO! You can’t; with child or otherwise. Never.
I am a serving police officer and
author of moderately humoured police themed books. Please check them out on
Amazon, iBooks, Kobo and other online retailers.
If you can think of any other
myths, or would like clarity on a rumour you’ve heard, please leave a comment
below.
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